Summertime Recipe No.1

    I don't know about you, but I'm definitely ready for some summer weather.  Or not even summer weather.  Maybe something flirting with 30 degrees?  In any case, I've had the jones for some outside potluck-ing, and given the popularity of cooking sites, FoodTruck Warehouse is taking a stab at offering some tasty options for the upcoming season!
     So, without further ado, FoodTruck Warehouse presents:

 "Summer Potluck Option No.1: Tuna and Jello Pie"

     FoodTruck Warehouse, always a stickler for accuracy and transparency, did taste-test this delicious Tuna and Jello Pie recipe in our resident kitchen, and the comments were most positive!  Our tomato garnishes weren't as pretty as those shown, but they did add that splash of color that made our tasters say "Hey now! What could this be?!?".  One male taster with a most discriminating palate, made a comment that seemed to wrap up what every one else had tried so hard to articulate: "I don't know whether to eat it or fuck it."  A nod of approval to the unparalleled taste sensation of the pie?  Or an unnecessary detail of said taster's choice in sexual partners?  We'll leave that decision to you.  

Avocado

My People

    If any of you were wondering what goes on in that tiny area of my brain near the top of my occipital lobe, just beneath the parietal lobe, when I get that blank middle-distance stare, allow me to illustrate:

     Jealous?  You shouldn't be.  This imagery is brought to you from my Speewak Ganglia, a fairly rare condition I happen to have.  The Speewak Ganglia [as described by my doctor] is a small, bulb-like pocket in the brain that releases imagery-producing fluids, and it is a vestigial trait, much like a tail or gills.  Unlike schizophrenics, Speewak Ganglians know that the images are imaginary, but that doesn't stop our yearning for them.  So, in a way, it's even worse than schizophrenia.  At least schizos think it's real... [right now my Speewak Ganglia is releasing crying clown pictures].
    Could you be a Speewak sufferer?  Do the letters of the alphabet have individual personalities?  Do your numbers have life stories that rival Days of Our Lives?  Do you often find yourself wishing that you led the kind of life that is in your head?  Join the tens of fellow sufferers like me.  We CAN make a difference.  Or at least we'll imagine we did.

Crooked Colours' "Come Down" [PRFFTT & Svyable X Ianborg Remix]

     I'm not always a fan of Canadian Ianborg, but this song has stuck with me for days.  Something about that stutter-step beginning.  From 0:10 through 0:32, my heart goes into some strange kind of A-fib.  But the kind of A-fib that feels good, you know?  Which is funny because it's such a dregs of March song; all pouty and I-can't-stop-thinking-about-that-person-who-doesn't-even-know-I-exist wistfulness.  Somebody get the paddles ready and CLEAR! because this baby's on high rotation in my head.

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Dear Food Truck Warehouse

Dear Food Truck Warehouse,
    I am the father of three young children, and I recently came into some money vis-a-vis a wise investment.  Of course I would normally re-invest or open a savings account, but my wife is hounding me to put the money toward a family vacation.  Granted, she is home all day with the boys and has looked forward to a break, but I continue to point out that we would not be in our fortunate circumstances if I had originally adopted a "fast and loose" attitude with my money.  I say don't change what has worked.  She firmly disagrees. Could you possibly set her straight?
                                    Frugal or Unreasonable

Dear FU,
     Strangely enough, I had a similar situation happen to me a few years back.  I had won a significant amount of money on a scratch ticket ($500 if you must know), and seeing as I was out of work, I felt that it was an ideal time to take the kids on a memorable vacation. I decided on Orlando, FL.  Unfortunately, tickets to Disney were cost-prohibitive, but I had heard one could ride the Mono-rail for free, enjoying views of the Disney complex from its air-conditioned cabin.  
     In any case, I kept the trip a secret and the night before we were to leave, I continued the charade through the kids' homework tantrums and I-don't-want-to-practice-piano tirades. Imagine how hard it was to hide my snickering while I threatened all manner of things for their typically uncooperative behaviors!  After they turned in for the night, I packed the car for the 26 hour drive.  We only had five days total, so I was planning on driving straight through.  I knew it would be tight, but I had packed lots of cheese and bananas and empty Gatorade bottles to pee into in an effort to cut down on stops.
     I rose early the next morning; in fact, it was still dark.  I considered waking the kids as if a typical school day, but I really wanted something different.  Something special.  So, I raced into their shared bedroom, flicked the wall switch repeatedly, and screamed "Fire!".  Let me tell you, they were up and out in a flash!  Needless to say, we had a great time.
    I guess what I'm trying to say is that you can take that vacation AND save a little money while you're at it.  No need for black or white thinking here.  Remember, when we can compromise, we are making sure that everyone is equally unhappy.
    

In All Syria-sness

What do you think I do all day?  Just come up with inane stories and pictures?  I have a heart, too.  I saw this video and it's well made.  Worth a watch.  I'm not sure I'd agree that it was "horrifying", but certainly thought provoking and sad.  But I'm a sucker for any stuffed animal in a crisis, so you'll have to judge for yourself.
Click Here to Watch

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Dear FTW

Dear Food Truck Warehouse,

     I'm a single woman, and I have a female friend who is also single. The two of us go out together once in awhile to clubs or bars.  That kind of thing.  This friend, Janice, can be fun, but she's also pretty controlling and high maintenance. She's a little older than me and thinks she knows and/or has seen it all. We've known each other for years. But that's not the problem.
    Janice has this old dog.  A big one.  It's maybe a lab or retriever or something, and it totally smells. When I go over to pick Janice up to go out (She lost her license awhile ago. Literally lost it.  And she's too cheap to go get another one; too law-conscious to drive without it) she insists that I go to her door to get her.  She says she won't tolerate being beeped at from the roadway like a common whore. Whatever.
    Anywho, when I go into Janice's apartment, (dressed nicely to go out, btw) her dog always runs up and rubs itself all over me and gets it stink on me.  But that's not the problem either. 
    The issue is that once in awhile, and it happened two nights ago, when this dog is all rub-rub on me, it gets its eye gunk (or mouth gunk or some kind of wad)on my clothes.  It's the nastiest.     The other night, Janice was standing there, getting her Isadora Duncan-esque scarf on, and her dog starts its thing on me.  It left a mess (unparalleled by anything I've see before) on my new black pants.  Without thinking, I shoved the dog away and hollered "Oh GROSS!".  Janice stopped wrapping her scarf, stood looking at me, and then announced that she "was not going out" that night with me.  I tried to get her to explain, but she refused to speak.  So, I left and went home.
    She hasn't called or answered any of my texts since then.  My questions, Food Truck Warehouse, are:  Was I over the line in my response?  Should I reach out to Janice and apologize?  Or should I just chalk this up as a dead friendship and move on?  
                                      Sincerely,
                                      Dog Slimed in Durham

Dear Slimed,
     If I had a dime...So I'm going to give you an answer similar to one I've given the others.  
     As you stated in your letter, Janice has been a friend to you for years.  I think it would be a HUGE mistake to abandon such a connection now, especially when you have such ripe material to work with.
     To the matter at hand, I do think you should reach out and apologize for your behavior.  Tell her you were over the line and that you beg her to forgive your insensitivity.  Then, the next time you are at her house and her dog violates you, (and it will happen again) admire the mess it leaves behind on your leg. Casually stick your finger into it and then taste it.  Regardless of the flavor, you MUST exclaim "Delicious!".  I guarantee the night will go without a hitch.  Trust me on this one.  And good luck. 

A FoodTruck Warehouse Welcome